Eating disorder challenge

When did you first start starving/dieting  and why?

I don't really remember 'cus it's been a part of me for so long now. But I suppose when I was like 13-14 years old. 

Do people know about your eating disorder? if not why and if yes how have the reacted?

Yeah, most people. Well a lot of people kinda guessed that I had one since I was "skinny", never ate in school - well, I was never really in school that much. I told my closest friends and my boyfriend and uh, well, they took it pretty well, but I think they had a hunch. 

What does a day with your eating disorder consist of?

Well, when it was at its worst I didn't really sleep at night, spend the entire day counting calories in everything we had in the fridge, crying when I had to eat, exercising for two hours, being alone in my room. 

Scariest moment with your eating disorder?

When I got admitted to hospital because my heart could stop.

When did you first start thinking you are fat?

12-13.

Longest you have starved for? what happened during and after.

About a week when I was in Sweden. Probably the worst week of my life. I fainted while skiing, hit my head and refused to eat causing my mum to cry and my dad to yell.

How do you hide/pretend to eat?

I'm not saying.

Have you ever vomitted your food? if so what happened

Yes. Nosebleed, blood in mouth.

Have you ever been forced into recovery?

Yes.

.

Do you want to live the rest of your life with an eating disorder if yes why, if no why not.

Of course not! Who would want to live in hell?!

Do you think you will or will not recover? why

Not entirely. I don't think I'll ever eat candy or cake again. 

How much have you lost because of your eating disorder? ( this question is not about weight)

My sanity, the ability to eat with friends, the ability to be social. 

Has anyone you know seen your blog? why why not?

Yeah, my friends. I don't know why.

Ever taken diet pills, or laxatives? what happened

Never had the money to buy stuff like that.

The body that you want? why do you want this body

Skeleton. To hurt myself, to slowly die. 

Are you proud to have an eating disorder?

No, I'm ashamed of it.